There's this new place that's opened up downtown, near where I live. Specializes in hotdogs.

Well, I happen to like hotdogs... so, yesterday, I decided to check the joint out.

I go in and I order a hotdog with mustard and cheese. Simple enough, right?

"Grilled or steamed?" the guys asks me.


"Grilled or steamed?"

"Oh. Grilled," I say.

"Cheese sauce or shredded cheese?"

"Uh... shredded cheese?"

"Swiss, Cheddar, or Monterey Blend?"

Now I'm looking for the hidden camera.

"...Cheddar," I reply, my eyes narrowing.

"You said you wanted mustard?"


"What kind?"

"The mustard kind."

"We have Grey Poupon, Brown Spicy..."

"Yellow. Mustard mustard. I want yellow mustard."

The guy looks at me like I'm so pedestrian, and then -- finally -- goes about making my hotdog.

Meanwhile, I'm looking up at the menu boards. There's 3 good-sized boards... lots of items... nothing but hotdogs. I see "Boston Club Dog", "Saturday Night Dog", and the "Frank Sinatra Dog" to name a few. They also have New York Style, Chicago Style, Arizona Style... even Thai Style (what, do they make them out of real dogs?). There's chicken dogs, vegetarian dogs... there's even an Atkin's Dog, for Christ's sake. Served on a stick.

But was there just a plain, simple hotdog option?


It seems that this is a growing trend. It started with coffee, tea, and fruit juice beverages, didn't it? Now it's spreading into food categories. Pizza is another thing that you sometimes have to set aside 15 minutes to order these days. Thin crust? Thick Crust? Stuffed Crust? Double Stuffed Crust? Blackened Cajun Wheat Crust with Lemon? Argh! Leave it alone!

The thing is, I don't want to have to consult an instruction manual before ordering a damn snack. Personally, I don't look at lunch as a means to express my inner self or to convey my hipness to the world. I get hungry, I eat, I move on. Simple.

Besides, all this complicated food ordering cuts into my time for downloading desktop themes and application skins that best reflect me as a person.